18 Friday May 2012
Posted in General
20 Friday Apr 2012
Hi Everyone!
I slept better than I have since Mom left this plane. Believe me, there was, and probably will be, a whole lotta cryin’ goin’ on. However, yesterday was particularly cleansing for my spirit and was crucial for my mental health. Any woman who has lost a mother, especially a mother with whom she lived, can appreciate the uniqueness of that grief.
In addition to grieving the loss of my mother, I had another situation taking up space in my head. Through a lot of prayer, a few letters to Mommy, (because I definitely know her energy is still with me), and the experiences of my life this far, I’m hopeful for the first time in a very *LONG* time that ship really has sailed.
I was all ready and set up to write a fun little piece about something every woman needs: fab; glam; bi; lipstick; femme, and; straight. Then, a quick search on “the Google” made me stop, think and utter a few expletives. There’s more material out there than I thought. I’d envisioned the piece from my own experiences over the decades, not realizing there is now an ABUNDANCE of riches. This is good and this is . . . not so good. I’m going to have to take time to do research. Don’t get me wrong. To me, research is like a treasure hunt. However, the timing sucks from the waste water sewer.
[more expletives] Because of the manner in which my mother’s estate is structured, I’ve got what could be a mess to deal with this weekend. Nevertheless, dear TWW fans, there will be a nice, fun article coming–probably around Wednesday. I hate to say when anything will be done these days because I’m getting by sometimes as little as a minute at a time. More often, it’s a day at a time. However, I’ve put a lot of work into this blog and it will not die! I just ask you to be patient a bit longer.
Thank you,
TWW
11 Wednesday Apr 2012
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The Associated Press is reporting the following:
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) – The neighborhood watch volunteer who shot 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was arrested and charged with second-degree murder Wednesday after months of mounting tensions and protests across the country.
George Zimmerman, 28, could get up to life in prison if convicted in the slaying of the unarmed black teenager.
Special prosecutor Angela Corey announced the charges but would not discuss how she arrived at them or disclose other details of her investigation, saying: “That’s why we try cases in court.”
Second-degree murder is typically brought in cases when there is a fight or other confrontation that results in death and but does involve a premeditated plan to kill.
Corey would not disclose Zimmerman’s whereabouts for his safety but said that he will be in court within 24 hours.
Zimmerman’s new attorney, Mark O’Mara, said: “I’m expecting a lot of work and hopefully justice in the end.”
Zimmerman, whose father is white and whose mother is Hispanic, has asserted since the Feb. 26 killing in Sanford that he shot in self-defense after the teenager attacked him. Martin’s family argued Zimmerman was the aggressor.
The shooting brought demands from black leaders for his arrest and set off a furious nationwide debate over race and self-defense that reached all the way to the White House.
Corey said the decision to bring charges was based on the facts and the law, declaring: “We do not prosecute by public pressure or by petition.”
One of the biggest hurdles to Zimmerman’s arrest over the past month was Florida’s “stand your ground” law, which gives people wide leeway to use deadly force without having to retreat in the face of danger. The lack of an arrest had sparked outrage and rallies for justice in the Orlando suburb and across the country.
On Tuesday, Zimmerman’s lawyers announced they were withdrawing from the case because they hadn’t heard from him since Sunday and didn’t know where he was. They portrayed his mental state as fragile.
“He is largely alone. You might even say he is emotionally crippled by virtue of the pressure of this case,” said one of the lawyers, Hal Uhrig.
The case has drawn the interest of the highest levels of the Obama administration, with the Justice Department’s civil rights division opening its own investigation.
Tensions have risen in recent days in Sanford. Someone shot up an unoccupied police car Tuesday as it sat outside the neighborhood where Martin was killed. And a demonstration by college students closed the town’s police station Monday.
Six weeks ago, Martin was returning to the home of his father’s fiancee from a convenience store when Zimmerman started following him. Zimmerman told police dispatchers he looked suspicious. At some point, the two got into a fight and Zimmerman used his gun.
Zimmerman told police Martin attacked him after he had given up chasing the teenager and was returning to his truck. He told detectives that Martin knocked him to the ground and began slamming his head on the sidewalk. Zimmerman’s father said that Martin threatened to kill his son and that Zimmerman suffered a broken nose.
A video taken about 40 minutes after the shooting as Zimmerman arrived at the Sanford police station showed him walking unassisted without difficulty. There were no plainly visible bandages or blood on his clothing, but Zimmerman may have had a small wound on the back of his head.
The shooting ignited resentment toward the police department, and Police Chief Bill Lee temporarily stepped down to let passions cool.
Civil rights groups and others have held rallies around the country, saying the shooting was unjustified. Many of the protesters wore the same type of hooded sweat shirt that Martin had on that day, suggesting his appearance and race had something to do with his killing.
President Barack Obama injected himself into the debate, urging Americans to “do some soul-searching.” ”If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon,” Obama said March 23.
The local prosecutor disqualified himself from the case, and Gov. Rick Scott appointed Corey, the prosecutor for Jacksonville, to take it over.
01 Sunday Apr 2012
Ugg! And I don’t mean Ugg, the boots. “Ugg!” is my state of mind. It’s been a month and some days since my mother died and I can’t pull it together. Today is a perfect example (by “today” I mean the last 24 hours between this time Saturday and now). I have been doing things while sleeping. It’s something that’s happened to me from time to time and I’ve just accepted it. However, this time, someone told me to get up and get the girls because they had to go out. In a fit of sleep-induced haze, I climbed to the bottom of my bed and let Micki out of her crate, then got Snippet out of hers. Then, I realized that I wasn’t quite “here” yet and yelled out to my mother (who, as I mentioned, died a month and some days ago), “Who’s going to take them out?” That’s when I realized I was the only human in the house.
Well, needless to say, I took the girls out and it almost turned into a tragedy. I am not thinking clearly at all. I took all three out at the same time, which is not unusual these days. Their leashes became tangled together and with me so that I couldn’t move and neither could they. I thought I was letting Berry’s leash go to untangle myself, but it was Micki’s leash.
My Micki in her favorite place - the chaise portion of the sectional. From her perch, she can see everything that's going on.
Micki discovered that she was unleashed within a split second of my discovery that she was unleashed. Unfortunately, she moved faster than I could and took off at top speed. Other than the fact that I was scared out of my wits, I had to admire her running full out. She’s very short backed and that often means the stride is shortened. I’ve previously seen this in Micki when at the dog park. But this time, nope! Not tonight! I didn’t even know what time it was. When I was fully awake and looked at the clock, it would have been 5:00a or 12:25a. There was a lot of traffic outside, but since I live on a main street, that’s not unusual at any hour. That did, however, make catching Micki absolutely critical.
She apparently went around to the front of neighbors’ yards because she came zipping back through the space that divides our lot and the one next door looking happy and coming close enough to make sure I was physically OK, but not close enough for me to grab her leash. I prayed to God and Mom, saying that I couldn’t deal with yet another loss, especially since it would be my fault. I even stepped in doggy poop trying to get to her. That’s something I never do even without a flashlight. (Fortunately, it was doggie poop from one of the smaller girls.) She came running back again to check up on me from afar and I just lost it. I screamed her name at the top of my lungs and prayed some more. Finally, I saw this tan haired critter running toward me, stopping close enough for me to grab her leash. Home at last, she was! I’m beginning to think we both have guardian angels.
My life has been like this for weeks now. I’ve been so totally depressed that it took me two days to get information for Mom’s attorney when it should have only taken five minutes. I just can’t get it together. Thanks to an insurance check, my auto insurance won’t lapse, but I haven’t spoken to the bank about the mortgage and the one creditor Mom used to pay even though it’s in my name really screwed up my credit score so I can probably forget re-financing the house for a while. Still, I am safe for the moment. I’d planned to sell Mom’s truck, which I really hate to do because she loved it so much and I picked it out for her, and put the money into making this house sale-ready in the next couple of years. I think I’m going to pay off the account that’s messing up my credit.
Once again, I’m explaining all the gory details of my life as a new orphan because I can’t write much of anything else right now. My Inbox has so much in it that I can put here, but life won’t allow it. I know I have to pull it together. I just ask you to bear with me a little while longer. Maybe in a week or so I’ll be able to smile, but right now, I just can’t. At least I can’t smile for longer than a few seconds at a time. I am taking my own advice and dressing well, though, and I will probably keep doing so. The way things are going, I’ll be in my favorite dress: a black velvet, floor length, tuxedo dress with a matching optional jacket and a purse with black fabric, silver or gold fixtures. The shoes need to be patent leather, but if I were to take the fabric, I’d add a little pop with very red earrings, or; if I wore the purse with silver fixtures, I’d wear silver earrings and one silver ear cuff to add a bit of wickedness. I don’t even have to think about what I’d wear with a purse with gold fixtures. I’d, of course, where gold earrings. Very formal that, eh? THAT is how bad I feel! Tears On My Tuxedo Dress, anyone?
20 Tuesday Mar 2012
About 24 hours ago I taped a message that said I’d post something on TWW this week. I can’t. While no one, including me, expected me to feel better, I expected to be able to handle my mother’s passing a little better than I am. I’m not being too critical of myself. I am only reporting the facts of my feelings.
I didn’t make a video this time because, frankly, I look worse than I did in the first two. *sigh* Yes, I am vain, even under these circumstances. I look like hell because I feel like hell. I did, however, go back to doing what I’ve advised others: I put on clothing that made me look much better than I felt. I must say, I have to love Lane Bryant’s bras. Coupled with a nice, tight sleeveless white top, those people I encountered interested in women’s boobs were very happy to see me.
Speaking of Lane Bryant, I was in the store today returning the birthday present my mother never saw or got to wear when I noticed that there was a brand new assortment of underwear. As I was having the exchange and return rung up, I stared at the sales person folding and arranging the brand new panties and almost salivated. New underwear for me is like cocaine for an addict. It was all I could do to keep that credit card focused on where it was supposed to be. I will be back, however, very soon and with Real Women’s Dollars and coupons in hand.
It was after the return of the Lane Bryant merchandise that I fell apart very completely in the parking lot. I couldn’t move, no sound could escape my mouth, I couldn’t breathe and I thought my nearly silent sobs would destroy me then and there. I would have been happy to crawl into my mother’s urn with her if I didn’t have one very old cat, an Airedale, Micki, who’s really losing it nearly as badly as I am, an alpha bitch who has unexpectedly made the transition from being primarily my mother’s dog to being mine very easily, even though I know she understood what was happening by the second or third day. Berry, the alpha, knows what death is because she’s seen it. She was there when I had Lola euthanized because I couldn’t allow her to suffer any more with liver cancer. That was nearly four years ago. The young bitch hasn’t been affected as much as I would have thought. Perhaps it’s because she chose me as her person instead of my mother.
I am very worried about Micki, my Airedale. She’s been very dog aggressive, anxious whenever I’m out of her sight and acting out by stealing anything and everything she can reach and get her mouth around. Some of this may be cabin fever, but she has never been like this before. I suspect she’s picking up my own unsettled emotions and doesn’t know what to do about them or with them. I’ve had to step in the middle of two actual fights today. One was with Micki and Snippet and the other was between Micki and Berry. It was the latter that was getting seriously dangerous. Berry is built like a Dachshund who’s gone a little bit wrong around the ears. We believe her father was a black and silver Miniature Schnauzer. Thankfully, Micki respects me as the overall pack leader. A few growls from me thrown her way made her back off, but they both got in some good licks before it was all over. I feel so terrible for her and I don’t know what to do except spend more time with her. I’m considering taking her to the park without the other two so that she can run off some of her anxiety and we can bond even more than we are now. My poor baby just makes me want to cry writing this.
Reporting the activities in my household is my way of saying that I need more time. I and the girls are too unsettled for me to go through my mailboxes, read the appropriate mailings and then write about them.I have to give myself a little more time. Therefore, I won’t be back her until the week of the 26th (I hope). That’s a tricky week because it contains the one month anniversary of my mother’s passing. I will deal with it the best I can, but it’s going to be very difficult. It’s times like this when I wish I weren’t an only child.
