Something really horrible happened to me a bit ago. I’d rather not go into exactly what. However, it has been an ongoing crisis that has left me extremely emotionally vulnerable and not my usual self. I can say that I fought with every ounce of strength in me because my life and that of my girls (four-legged, if you remember) was very much on the line–and I do not mean that figuratively. However, that fight has sapped me of any reserves for the moment. I will recover. I will never view the world the same way again. For me, that’s saying something.

As a general rule, I don’t post my personal issues here. This blog was never meant for that. I am making a slight exception now because what happened, and is happening, has so adversely impacted my ability to function on WickedWomanMag.com. I had to take the site down for what I thought would be look and feel fixes that would take a day or two at most, but could not be allowed to continue as they were. Then, just as I finished making repairs, the theme was updated and the update broke all but two pages of the site. Needless to say, I was pretty angry. Knowing that anger would do me no good whatsoever, I contacted the developer who looked and said that he thought I’d need to rebuild the site altogether. As we were trying to find a middle ground, my life fell apart. I haven’t been up to working since, although I am doing my best to try to get the site back up by Friday.

In the last few weeks I have been degraded, humiliated, debased, abused, harassed, terrified and thrown into a chaotic hell. I’ve been close to petrified that I’d lose the only family I really have–my canine children–and learned to hate something fierce. It’s not that I hadn’t experienced the feeling of hatred before because I have. The Cleveland branch of one side of my family is better named either Borgia or Medici than its actual name. There are a couple of good-hearted people in it, but I can count them on one hand. The rest . . . well, as I said, Borgia or Medici would be better surnames. Be that as it may, what happened to me has brought about feelings that surpass anything I’ve felt for the worst of the twisted relatives. If my old therapist still took my insurance, I would be sitting on her couch within the week.

As bad as everything is, I have no choice but to muddle through. The remainder of my life depends on what I do now. I don’t have the time to curl up into a fetal position until I can breathe again. I have to continue to do the work I started. But for an angel who rescued me, I wouldn’t even be able to do that. I only wish that someone could have shielded me from all of the other crap that happened, but they couldn’t. Worst of all, I couldn’t–and seemingly can’t–do anything myself. I don’t do powerlessness well at all. It’s not something I can accept. To do so is the most frightening thing there is other than losing my girls.

I am going to sleep and work some more later today. I just wanted to let you know that there was something going on and that’s why WWM has been closed for so long. I am going to fight through this depression and anxiety because I have to. There are people who are depending on me to do so. Inside, in my heart of hearts, I know that I will never be the same. With luck and time, maybe I will be stronger, but I will never be who I was.

I am ashamed to say it, but I totally forgot to post anything here telling you that WWM is open. There are only four articles up at present, but that should change by this time next week and continue throughout the month. I’ve spent at least 50% more time dealing with graphics and web design than I have writing. I look forward to the day when that isn’t the case. Things should be better now that there is a skeleton of a theme up. That is to say, this is a very powerful theme, but I haven’t learned how to harness that power yet. Therefore, I’ve still got a learning curve ahead of me. Nevertheless, I hope to stop playing with graphics as much and start writing again–you know, the way I’m supposed to. :)

Thank you all for your support. I am not leaving TWW at all. I just haven’t quite determined exactly what I’m going to put over here. There will, however, be content of some sort.

wwm site logo with border and bevel-250Readers of Words From A Wicked Woman are among the very first to know. WickedWomanMag.com has a new launch date: 12:00:01 p.m. May 7, 2014. Short of near-death, a complete breakdown of the BlueHost.com network or an act of God, we will be live. Finally!! We begin with a 4-part series on black, gay, human rights activist Bayard Rustin, recipient of the Presidential Medial of Freedom last year thanks in large part to a unique 10-year working partnership. Minorities, women and LGBT owe this man great respect. Keep your eyes open for more details about other articles.

go daddy burned toastThe WickedWomanMag.com (WWM) site was only reachable sporadically from approximately April 2 through April 23. It launched on April 1. GoDaddy.com, the WWM host, attributed the problem to either the owner, me, or my ISP, AT&T. After days of intermittent service and continued refusal to take responsibility for my inability to reach the site, I proved conclusively that the problem resided within the GoDaddy.com network. Doing so prompted a supervisor to attempt to locate the problem. However, a few days later, he said that there was nothing else they could do. In short, even though it was clear to anyone who understood the inner workings of the Internet–or even intranets–that the problem was in their internal network, GoDaddy.com explicitly refused to do anything else. I later discovered that WWM was unreachable not only for me, but for anyone in any part of the U.S. or Canada. An associate in Europe tried to reach the site from Paris and was unable to do so either.

The result of GoDaddy.com’s refusal to accept responsibility and fix the problem was that there really wasn’t a WWM launch. Not only that, because I spent so much time on the phone with GoDaddy personnel or simply unable to reach the backend of the site where I needed to work, I am left to try to make that work up now. That means WWM can’t launch again until May and fundraising will have to wait another month after that. In short, I have lost money. Big money. Not only that, but my reputation has suffered.

In contrast, the new host, Blue Host, has been truly wonderful in the short time I’ve dealt with them. They have taken a great deal of time to help me move everything over from GoDaddy.com to their servers. And, as further proof that GoDaddy.com was the problem, a traceroute I ran today made it all the way from my laptop to the Blue Host server where WWM is located. There are still issues to iron out due to the move, but I am very hopeful.

Look for an announcement about the opening in the next few weeks.

From the Gays and Liberal Ways Google+ page.

From the Gays and Liberal Ways Google+ page.

Protected: Bayard Rustin, part 1

Posted: April 23, 2014 in General

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Protected: Book review: The Speech

Posted: April 23, 2014 in General

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